It’s been a long strange ride through 2011 and I’m looking ahead, not back. I’m working on a lot of things and all of them are good things.
Besides the usual; lose the bad habits like not eating right, not taking care of my health as much as I should, yada yada yada, we all know the usual suspects. Besides all that, here’s some of what 2011 taught me.
You can’t make everyone happy. Don’t try and don’t torture yourself about it. The only thing that gets you (me) is sick.
If you change your mind, that’s ok, that’s what a mind is for.
Aim high but start low.
If you want something done, do it yourself. Case in point. My website sucked. I made a new one. Did I know how to do it? No. I kept trying til I got it right. You can see it here. My Website; IleneRubin.com.
Start something new. Broads with Brushes fit the bill. You can see about it here. Broads with Brushes.
Be bold, be fearless and try not to piss people off. Most of the time I’m good with that. Other times, I get my rear kicked in. Live and learn. It all comes from putting myself out there and trying to do something that to me is good. Some times that works and some times it doesn’t. What did I learn? Not to try and do good? No. Don’t sweat it and keep on breathing. Every day makes me a little smarter. That’s the beauty of age. What kicks your butt in makes the skin that much thicker. Don’t look back. Keep going.
Be true to yourself. Period. Don’t try to do for other people what you won’t do for yourself, myself. I learned that every given situation whether it’s with a loved one, a friend or coworker, it has to work for me too otherwise everyone is feeling the tug of conflict one way or another. I have learned this year that it’s not such a great idea to answer too quickly in an effort to be nice, helpful or to make a major change in my life. Best to consider, take the time necessary to consider carefully, the consequences of those decisions.Then act slowly. Sleep on it. Let it roll around on you like a blanket then see if it itches. If it does, don’t do it! Listen to your gut and be true to yourself.
I have learned that it’s better to do something small and to do it right than to go all out, all gangbusters, and think it will be good quality. It won’t. Case in point. I started a painting in the beginning of 2011 when the year was new and when I had all sorts of ambitions and I had all the best intentions for 2011. It was an oil painting. I started the under painting with water based crayons and pencils.
Then the internal editor, the bane of all writers and artists, kicked in. I fixed it and fiddled with it and changed it and worked on it.
I was told it needed this and that. I was told it was all wrong. I fixed it. I fiddled, I fidgeted and I did it over and over and over again. Didn’t help. I fixed it again and again, and even had a great start to it once I added color. Then the hurricanes came and before I knew it, there was a horrible dampness to the canvas and mildew on the back. All that work!!! I was paralyzed, thwarted and frustrated. I took care of the canvas but by that time, I decided that this painting, as large as it is, at 30″ x 36″, it didn’t have to be a masterpiece. It could be practice. I tried again. No go.
Frustrated, I set it aside. I worked in acrylic instead and created a few smaller pieces that, as it turns out, I’m very happy with. Without the emotional investment of the size of the canvas, the importance of the composition and the fact that I was paying to go to a class so it better turn out good… it was a 3 strikes and it’s out. But without all that baggage I was able to do these rather quickly and with ease.
I just love those little guys. Caution; Goose Crossing. And this one of the Ocean City Beach…. summertime, summertime paintings? Half the year was gone. My lessons not quite learned yet, and my canal painting just sitting on its easel waiting for something to happen.
And then I worked on a pastel that still isn’t finished. Was I thwarted again?
Why isn’t it finished? Look at it! It’s signed! Why isn’t it finished? Why is because I don’t want to fix it and mess it up. Now not only was I stuck, but I was stuck and couldn’t get out of it! There’s that internal editor again! I changed the sky and it no longer looks anything like I intended. That’s why. So it, too, sits on its easel until I have incubated and internalized the painting so much that I can finish it in 3 minutes when I’m ready. It’s still there, alongside that canal painting!
Summer turned into autumn. Then I tried a few tiles and did commissions. That was fun. They were small, not a huge commitment like an impossibly large canvas– the largest painting I ever tried with the Canal scene. Tiles go fast and there’s an immediate connectedness that goes along with a beginning, middle, and end all at one or two sittings. These are 6″ x 6″ bisque tiles. Some were used in my sister and brother in law’s bar area. Can you guess which ones? Hey, don’t laugh; if you drink enough of that stuff, that Crown Royal bottle won’t look crooked!
By this time, I started getting the hint that emotional investment in a painting that isn’t working is not a good thing. I finally decided that after the few successes of smaller commissions and paintings, plus a novel that went to publication in one year, plus my first solo exhibition at Saxby’s in Doylestown, PLUS a new painting group called Broads With Brushes, I should try to work back up to the oil painting of the canal. I started small.
When I say small I mean SMALL. At 2 1/2″ x 3″, these little cuties offered solace. They’re adorable, they don’t take too long to finish, they require that you scale back what’s important but also, they require that you eliminate the fluff. This I could do it if I stopped worrying about what the end result was.That is solace; it’s manageable.
I learned that to battle the internal editor, do something, anything, where I can succeed and the rest will follow. I ended up wiping out the canal scene entirely because it wasn’t, in the end, my painting. That was a revelation. It was the painting of: I should start like this, I should change the composition like this, I shouldn’t use those colors, that brush or those values. All the ‘I shouldn’ts’ equaled it was everyone else’s painting but mine.
I learned that for the process of creativity to reach its full potential, I had to be true to myself, even if it means painting the ‘wrong’ way, with the wrong colors, in the wrong order with a wrong composition–in order for me to love painting that scene or painting, and in order for the painting to be full of the love invested in it and for that love to be evident in the finished creation, I had to give it my love. Not the idea of someone else or their love in their way. It had to come from me. I had to be TRUE to myself.
Where to begin? At the beginning. I painted the sky. It’s a sky like I like a sky to look. Should I have started with the sky? In this case, that answer is a resounding yes. It’s a sky in the way that I put every spec of paint on the brush and canvas in just exactly the way I have to paint it on this painting. That’s how I will love that canvas and put my love into it. I’m having a new affair with it. I’m loving it and it’s being kind back. That’s how it will show that love; it’s my kind of sky. I’ll do the rest of the painting now, in my way. I get to do that because I’m going to be true to myself. If it turns out, great. If it doesn’t, oh well. I might do another one.
Here’s my sky.
My point? Here’s what 2011 taught me:
Be true to yourself. If others think it’s wrong, that might be unfortunate but don’t let it stop you from being you. Or me. Those who love you, will love you even with all the faults and all the bumps and bruises and false starts. And those who don’t won’t anyway so you may as well be yourself. Myself.
Do what you love and the rest will fall into place.
If the task/idea/project seems too big, start small and work your way up. Small successes mount up like a ladder, one on top of another until you get to the top and can see forever.
Hope it works for you and hope it works for me in 2012.
Happy New Year.




































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